Walls and gaps. An oxymoron, or one in the same?

I woke up this morning with the intention of getting on the old PC and trying to work on my FYI class that must be completed by Saturday. I had 7 days and am now down to 5. There are 13 units and I am still on the Unit 1. First of all, this is the worst time of year for more pressure, secondly - I am not sure how to do it. I will figure it out.
I emailed my instructor very early this morning - so when I checked to see if she had replied I found that Goodreads had sent me a note to let me know one of my favorite authors has a new blog post. I have blogged about Dominique Browning before, but now I am not only inspired by her book (and her person)  I am also in love with her blog.

http://www.slowlovelife.com/2011/12/lucking-out-and-gaining-wisdom.html

This is my current favorite quote -


 "I've learned some things I want to share, for anyone who has friends in mourning: be steadfast, be present, be supportive, be kind. That's all.

No one can make the pain go away. Nothing can be said to make it lighter. All anyone can do is to be a gentle, loving, constant companion. Grief plunges the heart into loneliness. Presence helps. Friends don't have to be in the same room--because sometimes human company feels intolerable--but it is possible to be present by phoning, writing, posting, simply reaching out.

All of that compassion twinkles around, like stardust, motes in the gray dust of grief, catching the light of hope."

She has a way of speaking to my heart and writing the way I wish I could write. I thought this morning of loss.  I lost my job. Yes, it is sad, and yes, I am still grieving. But there are so many people in the world, and in my own immediate world specifically, who have lost so much more than I have this year. They have lost children, parents and spouses - some through death and some, a result of disagreements or misunderstandings.

 My sweet husband feels loss like this as one of his own children continues to make bad decisions each day, and with her words and actions is breaking her father's heart. It occurs to me that two things so opposite of each other can cause the same effect - walls and gaps. By putting up walls we lock out people who love us and things that can help us. The same can be said for the great distance created when we stop reaching out and trying to communicate with our friends and family.

 I have been guilty this year - of building my own walls, and making giant gaps to separate myself from others. I know my own loss has made me a little bitter, but also a little better. I guess it was something I had to do on my own. I am trying now, to lay down the walls and use them to fill in the space. I need my friends. 

For my friends and acquaintances who have experienced much greater loss than I have - I am thinking of you. 

I will try to be a compassionate, gentle and loving presence. Whether it be through prayer, emailing, calling or blogging -  I will offer some kind of human interaction. I will look for some stardust and if I am lucky enough to find some for myself, I will share it with others. Maybe together we will begin to see the light of hope.