Burning the candle at both ends...

For obvious reasons, I will write this post later. (or earlier, whichever comes first)

It is now later - in the day, that is.

"She gets up while it is still dark...her lamp does not go out at night." Proverbs 31


My lamp goes out, but the wheels in my head keep turning. I have heard that burning the candle at both ends originated in what I like to call 'the olden days' when it was considered wasteful to throw away any part of the candle. Now it simply means working too hard and wearing yourself out. 


I love Christmas! I truly do. For years I lamented that I didn't have time to do the things I used to do when I didn't have a job. I still did them, only on a smaller scale, and often my cookies were a little off in shape, a little burned and not as tasty as I remembered them from years before. This is the first time in over 20 years when I didn't have to work most of the days surrounding Christmas. When I had a job I baked and made candy and shopped and wrapped and decorated - and all of that - after work or on the weekends.


I think that because I had time this year I put a lot more pressure on myself to do a lot more. I mean a LOT more! We got a full size tree this year. I also decorated the other surfaces in the house, nativity set, angels, snowmen, Santa, all the usual stuff that has now become unusual at my house.


Mom came and brought gingerbread dough. She rolled and cut and baked them. She frosted them. While I shopped for more supplies she also mixed up the sugar cookie dough. Mom also made the caramels because really, she does them best! While she was here I made cathedral window cookies and fudge. In the past week I have rolled, cut, baked and decorated the sugar cookies, made almond butter cookies, chocolate crinkles, peanut blossoms and two different kinds of scramble mix. Today I am making the almond roca and the famous cheese ball. Tomorrow I will roll and bake the beef stick that is mixed up in the fridge and make the sweet hot mustard.
So have I been 'burning the candle at both ends' or am I just burned out? Maybe I've been 'burning the midnight oil'?


I have shopped and done the wrapping. Most of my cards are out and 3 packages have been mailed. It makes me happy - but my body is not happy with me. Today I am resting a little, just a little.

I am sure many people accomplish much more than I have and also have full time jobs. I know people like that. I wonder if they also have the pain and fatigue that I have. I watched my mom do all that she did in the 2 days she was here and I was amazed. She said her shoulder was a little sore, but that was her only complaint. 


My list is much longer and I often resist the urge to explain, as it does sound more like whining to me. But, I know that I am not the only person with a chronic pain disorder. (Hmmm - syndrome, disease, disorder? - never really know what to call it) So, for my friends who suffer as I do, and also because every now and then I need to vent - here is my list of things that hurt. This part of venting always reminds me of that Sunday school song - "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes .... clap your hands together!"


feet, calves, knees, thighs, hips, lower back, neck, shoulders, elbows, hands (can't clap them together) - and my head. My head hurts. 
Wow! that is not such a long list after all. Why would I complain? Why does this sound like whining, to me? Does it sound like that to you?
I will tell you why. Guilt. Good old fashioned guilt. I love you Martha Stewart, but we can't all be like you. I don't blame you for the pressure we feel to try, it comes from within. We can blame society, but who is society? We are. We, (or is it just me?) expect so much of ourselves and feel guilty if we can't get it done. 


No one told me to make all those cookies. There is no way we can eat them all ourselves. But they sure are pretty and they sure are good and they sure take up a lot of space in my refrigerator and freezer and on my counter.


Anna is coming home. She will like them but she is a tiny little bird-like girl and she won't make a dent in them. I could send some to my Noah, but he doesn't much like sweets. He does like the gingerbread boys though. Monica likes he caramels and my Anna, she loves the nanaimo bars. (I forgot I also made nanaimo bars)


Okay, I have rambled enough today. I need to do some more school work now. I decided to skip the 3 hour long test I was supposed to take today. I will take it next week, it was just another thing I had told myself had to be done this week. There is math involved and I know I would have been a wreck. Next week will be better. I will eat some cookies for energy and go be smart.


I'll let you know how it turns out...