Money

The Green Stuff

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               I’ve been thinking about money. I read an article yesterday about how the language we speak has a correlation to the way we save (or don’t save) money. Because the English language has clear differences in how people talk about the past, present and future; the future is so distant in our minds that we don’t save as much as we could. In some other languages, Chinese for example, time is not spoken of in the same manner. In Chinese, the future doesn’t seem far away and people are more likely to save money for those up and coming rainy days.

                  I don’t remember, but I’ve been told, that when I was very young our family was poor. My dad hunted and we ate a lot of venison. I don’t remember not having everything that I needed. We lived in a tiny house, but I was small, so it never seemed cramped to me. My mom sewed most of my dresses – and I loved them! My dad was a logger. As I got older his business got better. When I was 8 years old we moved to a big red house. I guess we had more money then, but I don’t remember it as being any different. I had always been happy.

                  I got married when I was a few days short of turning 19. My husband was a laborer. I had my first child when I was 20, and my second when I was 23. We were poor, but I was happy. My kids were happy. My marriage didn’t last, but it had nothing to do with money. My husband was an alcoholic. Yes, there were times when buying beer was an issue. I was not a drinker, so being forced to buy beer every time I went to the grocery store was embarrassing for me. I guess the fact that my husband put his alcohol consumption ahead of what we needed for our kids was a factor, but mostly it was the dysfunction in our daily lives that drove me to file for a divorce.

                  As a single mom, I was still poor; but I was happy. My kids were okay and we had a decent life. It was never easy, but we had what we needed and we found joy in little things – mostly each other. I worked hard and my kids grew up and left home. I was still living paycheck to paycheck. I wonder why, when I needed less, I felt that I needed more. It was probably because I was alone. I was not really happy.

                  Eventually I remarried the wonderful man that I had dated for almost 10 years. The first year of our marriage was sort of a breeze, financially. We had a double-income and, while we weren’t rich, we could do what we wanted and still have money left at the end of a paycheck. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. I lost my job shortly before my first wedding anniversary. It was okay for a while, because I had unemployment. My marriage was happy, but I was not. I didn’t know what to do without my job – I was lost. After 8 months of looking for a job, I decided to go to college. Last October my unemployment ran out. 

                  So, once again, as has been so often throughout my life, money is an issue. We live paycheck to paycheck and can’t do the little extra things we have come to enjoy. We are lucky though; we have enough to get by. My husband got a little overtime last week and brought home a bigger paycheck. I know he felt really good about it, because he has been upset about not having enough lately. It is hard for us – he feels like he can’t provide enough, and I feel like I’m not contributing. This morning I paid bills and the bigger check is not going to go as far as we’d like. I feel guilty for paying the bills, but that is what has to come first.

                  I know things will get better eventually. I will be finished with college in less than a month and I hope to find a job right away. I’ve started looking, and it seems pretty bleak. I am not looking forward to the search, which I’m sure will bring many days of frustration and tears. This is going to be hard, but I can do it.

                  I can’t help wondering – should I learn to speak Chinese?