Tomorrow is my birthday. Today I will clean the kitchen.

I woke up this morning to a Happy 4th of July message from a dear, thoughtful friend. Then I did what I always do on holidays - I sent similar messages to my kids and some friends. I watched as my husband put the flag out and I started making breakfast.
Then my daughter called and told me she was wearing all black today. She's not feeling patriotic or proud of this country.

I've been reflecting on her words all morning. My conclusion - she's absolutely right.

Just yesterday I had a conversation with a co-worker about the red, white and blue. I had thought about wearing a red striped shirt with white pants and a navy blue sweater to work that morning and then changed my clothes at the last minute. The flag has been ruined for me. I have been feeling this way for awhile, but just hadn't put it all together, or put it into words. I'm ashamed to wear the flag colors, afraid to be taken for a Trump supporter.

Three weeks ago I had a similar conversation with Darrell. We were out to lunch and he was wearing an Eddie Bauer cap with a flag on it. Two older gentleman walked past us and one stopped to say, very directly, "I like your hat."They sat at the booth behind ours and I could hear their conversation. First they grilled the girl who seated them about her education. Then they started in on their hispanic waiter - asking him about his job, insinuating that what he was doing must be temporary. I heard him tell them, proudly, that he had been there for 7 years and it was a good job that paid the bills for his young family. These men even asked him if he went to church. He replied that he didn't feel he had to attend a church to have a relationship with God.

It hit me why they had liked Darrell's hat. It hit me that our flag has come to mean something different to most people. I can no longer tolerate it.

So, I still hope all my friends and family enjoy the long weekend and time with people they love. For me, this is not going to be a day to wish a Happy Birthday to America. We are not who we say we are. We are  not the land of the free, and not the home of the brave. We refuse to help the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free.  We are a country of hypocrites and judgmental, cruel, indignant, greedy cowards.
Most of the time I don't say the things I think. I don't want to lose friends, or the respect of relatives. I don't want to be divisive. I am a coward.
The problems in our country, our world, are just so monumental, so beyond anything I would be able to do anything about.
I pray, but not enough. I recycle, but I still waste.

I'm overwhelmed today just thinking about children, sleeping on cement floors, unable to bathe or brush their teeth, separated from their parents. I'm overwhelmed by them dying. I just can't understand how this is happening in this country.

I. am. simply. angry.