glass half full?

I have been working on a group project for my business class for the past six weeks. At one of our meetings one of the younger ladies said to me "You're so glass half full - I love you!" 

Really? I haven't really talked about it or thought much about it, but it has been there, in the back of my mind. I don't think many of the people I worked with for 20 years would say that about me. I also am not sure my family would agree. 

Hearing that from someone new in my life felt good. I must be doing something right. I guess I agree that in certain areas I am a positive person. I give people the benefit of the doubt, I am forgiving, I am pro-active. I took the lessons from Pollyanna to heart - I "look for the good in them."

I do believe in the concept of positive reinforcement. I am trying to be more "glass half full". Spring is almost here. We have sunshine - which I was hoping for. It is almost spring break - and believe me, I could use a break. 

I still have trouble feeling happy though. I am glad spring is coming - I walk out my door and can feel slightly uplifted at hearing my little robins singing. 

You know it's coming, right? You know I am leading up to the negative stuff. There is just no way to be able to describe how I feel without it sounding like complaining. I try to keep it to myself but I think in a lot of ways that just makes it worse. I wonder sometimes why the people who know the  most about how I really feel are people on Patients Like Me who have never met me. How like me are they really? We have some things in common and we "get" each other. I wish I felt that everyone could really "get" it. I am passionate about sharing what it is like to live with Fibromyalgia - but I still hold it in. I don't want to be stigmatized. In fact, I think I already have been, but that is another story.

The last 3 years that I was at the Herald I tried to work with the newsroom to get them to do an awareness story in May (which is the month designated as FMS awareness month). There was interest and I was even told they were working on it. It has been 4 years now. I give up.

I am not even bitter because the "glass half full" side of me knows there are bigger stories. I also know there are worse things in life than this.

It doesn't change the fact that I wish I could enjoy the sunshine as fully as I used to. I wish I could have just one day where everything didn't feel like such a struggle. I wish I could feel rested and not have to go through each day trying to ignore the over-all pain that I am in.

So, my wishes are out there now. Universe, are you listening?

Time for school now. I am going to meet with my group project ladies one last time before our presentation. I am putting on my happy face and walking out - into the sunshine.