I started this blog post last spring and at that time we were lucky enough to have her with us for a 3 week visit, and even though Darrell and I both were not 100%, she remained the steady, calming, and fun person she always is. Momma is so accommodating, never thinking of herself, always trying to be helpful. (And getting frustrated when we don’t always let her) She’s inquisitive – asking interesting questions all the time. Thankfully, Google is always there for me to find her most of the answers. This activity is fulfilling for me as well. We laugh that neither of us will remember the answers, but in that moment, it’s satisfying.
Whenever we are with Mom, we are reminded to slow down and appreciate things around us, to seek answers to things you wonder about, to really SEE things.
It’s also a lesson in conservation. Mom will take time to wash and save things that I am in the habit of recycling or throwing away. She cleans the little bits from the bowls and pans so that nothing gets wasted. I keep reminding her we’re not in the Great Depression, but how close are we? We all need to take time to be more thoughtful about our wastefulness. I know, this is not a new realization, but the reminders from my mom are important.
Mom loves her shows, and music - and treats.
We always make sure to make trips to Krispy Kreme, Dairy Queen, and Country Mercantile where she enjoys buying fresh-baked bread. It is always wonderful having her here, and every visit a gift.
The truth is that we don’t get to see her nearly enough.
Mom and I talk on the phone every day. On my busier days, I had approached these calls as just a check-in. Being able to be with her so much throughout last year made me realize I wanted to take more time on our daily calls to really listen to her.
She lives alone and is often lonely. She could fill her days watching interesting things on TV, and not just the Big Bang Theory (but that’s her favorite). She also enjoys watching the history channel. She makes notes sometimes of the things she learns and the news she gets from other family members so she can tell us about them. Just last summer mom was still doing cross stitch, crossword puzzles, word searches and sewing from time to time. She baked and made candy all year long. She gave her treats to the people who delivered her groceries and for birthday gifts – and sometimes, just because. Everything momma makes tastes and looks better than anything I can do.
I started writing this almost a year ago. Luckily, we had worked in another 4 week visit with mom in June/July 2023. During that time, she did a lot of little jigsaw puzzles, more crosswords and enjoyed more treats with us. She and Darrell had a challenge going on who could get the most answers on Wheel of Fortune and I am certain that she won.
Writing a story over the course of almost an entire year is a little tricky when the time comes to share it with others. In trying to fix the present and past tenses to match the times I may have made it a bit of an awkward read. Please forgive my errors. :)
By the first week of October, Mom had had a couple of setbacks, including a closed compression fracture of the L2 vertebra. We don’t know when the fracture would have happened, but it caused her a lot of pain. It was sad seeing her sit and sleep her days away. It’s also been a difficult lesson in our medical system and how frustrating it is to have to wait for the help you need.
Okay, so here I am in the middle of this story, another few months have gone by. I need to commit to finishing, but it remains a work in progress. Mom’s back has improved some, but since the beginning of this ‘story’ things have changed so much for her, and for us. They were not able to do anything much for her fracture, as she has very bad osteoporosis and more than just the one fracture. For awhile she wore a back brace, but it only seemed to cause her more pain. She has been primarily staying with Joel and Mary Beth and they have taken great care of her. In fact, I can't say enough about all that they have done for her. She is established with a wonderful new primary care doctor and has PT and OT providers who she really likes. She is on her way to being more independent.
Just this week she moved to an assisted living apartment in a place 5 minutes from Joel's house. Mom has had ups and downs but now seems to be getting stronger every day. Her physical therapy and occupational therapy will continue at her new place, and that will be so helpful. She will miss her house, and her town. She was born in Wilbur, and it is the only place she has ever lived. At 92 years old, this is a huge change. Her new place is coming together nicely for her, and we are looking forward to visiting her in a couple weeks to really check it out. As I write this and try to find a clever, flowing way to end, I realize, you can’t ever end a story you’re writing about your mother. There is no end to it. Maybe someday I will add more to this story, but for now this must be it. I close this little story knowing that she will always be that constant and guiding force in my life, until the end of my life. Irreplaceable and so very precious to us, we are so lucky.
